


just friends

by Tator



Series: davenzi drabbles [13]
Category: Druck | SKAM (Germany)
Genre: Established Relationship, Insecurity, Jealousy, M/M, boyfriends who don't know how to talk to each other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-09
Updated: 2019-09-09
Packaged: 2020-10-12 23:53:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20573009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tator/pseuds/Tator
Summary: David doesn’t know how it started, how this ugly worm started crawling down his throat and eating at his heart until he started to taste blood in his own mouth, how the sound of Matteo’s laughter and Jonas’ teasing made him want to vomit and cry and just scream at them to stop and leave him in peace. He doesn’t know how it started, but it ends with him standing in a corner, nursing a lukewarm beer, and trying to block out the image of Matteo hanging off of Jonas’ shoulder.or the one where david worries that matteo might still like jonas





	just friends

**Author's Note:**

> for the prompt: angsty davenzi fic where david is worried matteo still likes jonas?? xx
> 
> you can find the original post [here](https://bagels-and-seagulls.tumblr.com/post/187076565693/angsty-davenzi-fic-where-david-is-worried-matteo) :)

David doesn’t know how it started, how this ugly worm started crawling down his throat and eating at his heart until he started to taste blood in his own mouth, how the sound of Matteo’s laughter and Jonas’ teasing made him want to vomit and cry and just scream at them to stop and leave him in peace. He doesn’t know how it started, but it ends with him standing in a corner, nursing a lukewarm beer, and trying to block out the image of Matteo hanging off of Jonas’ shoulder, trying to ignore the part of him that wants to go home and ask Laura to make him some soup and curl in the corner there instead. 

Leonie is worriedly watching him out the corner of her eye. “Did you want to stay?” she asks. 

“I’m fine,” David says, like that was an answer.

“Are you sure?”

David looks at her, and she looks right back. And for just a second, he feels like she might be able to read his mind and see the parts of him that he never wanted to show to anyone, the ones that tell him he’s not good enough, that he’s got an expiration date right on his forehead and everyone knows it but him. 

“I think I might go home,” he replies because there’s bile rising up in his throat, and he doesn’t like throwing up in stranger’s bathrooms. 

He makes it out on the front stoop before that worm pops right out of his mouth, and he chokes out a sob that he stifles with the back of his hand. He bites down hard onto the fleshy part of his fingers and tastes blood all over again and knows it’s real this time. 

“David?” He hears behind him, and David can’t turn around to look because Matteo is there. And he’s sure to look at David with wide eyes and a confused face at David’s sudden disappearance act without even the inkling of a goodbye. And that will only make it worse. It will only make the tears track down David’s face faster and thicker and make him feel like more like a fool because he’s just being stupid, and silly, and it really wasn’t that deep. _They’re just friends_, he tells himself, even though right now it’s really hard for him to believe. 

“David, what’s wrong?” Matteo tugs at his arm to try and get his attention, and David tugs it back, still not ready to be seen like this, to be seen so _ugly_, so _pathetic_. He starts walking off towards his apartment, and Matteo follows close behind, still worrying his hands together and trying to ask what was going on. 

They make it back, and Laura isn’t home. Laura isn’t home, and David is grateful and sad about it at the same time because she would know what was wrong, how to tell Matteo. She would know how to fix it even if she wouldn’t leave him alone for days afterwards. 

Somewhere down the road, David wiped away his tears and felt the roof of his mouth go numb. He was being so stupid, he told himself. So fucking stupid. This wasn’t something that he should go home crying about, not when the boy he was crying over was right on his heels and trying to make it all better if David would just open his mouth and talk to him. But his tongue felt thick and heavy in his mouth. So he just crawled into bed with all his clothes on and tried to put together words that would make some sort of sentence. 

“Did I do something?” Matteo asks small and sad from where he’s sitting behind David, afraid to touch. 

“No,” David replies because it’s true, even if it feels like he’s lying. 

“Then what’s wrong?”

“I just,” David stops himself before he rips his heart out for Matteo to see. “You really love Jonas.” He says instead, like that was enough to explain his behavior, enough to worry Matteo and everyone else over, when really that wasn’t even half of it. 

“Yes,” Matteo replies slowly, not catching on. 

“Do you-” David licks his lips and tries not make his own wounds worse. “Do you still-” 

“No,” Matteo interrupts, seemingly catching up. “Jonas is my friend. Just my friend.” 

“He’s more than that,” David argues because the worm is crawling around his head and making everything so much worse, and all of a sudden, David wants to argue and fight and scream because that’s the only way he’s ever learned how to handle all this. The only way he knows how to hurt is to hurt someone worse, and he absolutely hates himself for it. 

Matteo stops, still confused and light headed and not at all knowing where this came from. 

“He’s more than that,” David repeats quieter this time. 

“I don’t-” Matteo stills. Don’t know where this came form, don’t know what to say, don’t know how to convince you that you’re wrong. David can fill in the blanks all by himself. Matteo bites hard onto his lips. 

He loves Jonas. Of course he does. He loves him like a warm cup of tea in the winter, or like hearing an old forgotten song croaking on the radio, or like the way a turtle loves its shell. Jonas makes him comfortable, makes him feel okay. But David. David. David makes him feel like a firework spectacular, like the sun is shining on his back and his hair, like he’s standing on the bow of a ship and screaming and nothing can touch him except the wisp of the salty water all around him. David makes him feel warm, and surprising, and funny, and cool all the way down to his toes. David makes him feel like nothing can touch him, like he doesn’t have to spend another night alone, like he doesn’t have to hide a damn thing ever again. 

“You’re the first one that ever made me feel understood,” Matteo says after a moment. “It always felt easy with you.” 

David stays quiet for a second. “It doesn’t feel easy right now.” 

“I’m sorry if I did that.” 

“You didn’t- just,” David huffs and scratches at his face with both hands, thinking about worms and dirt and people who didn’t know when to stop. “Can you just lay with me?” 

Matteo doesn’t say anything but molds himself to David’s back and pulls him as tight as he can towards him. David can tell he still has his shoes on but is too tired to care.


End file.
